Tuesday, December 20, 2011

How are the holidays going to BE for you this year?

The answer to that, for many is....well just like last year, I guess...fine, ok, maybe disappointing, upsetting, stressful...sound familiar?  I get that. 

Here is an idea to try on....your holiday can GO how you SAY its going TO GO??!! Crazy right??!!

So you have 2 choices this holiday season.  You can either sit in the stands of your life and watch your holiday come and go OR you can get on the court and play your game (life) full out!! Get it??!!

So I ask you again....How are the holidays going to BE?  What do you want to create?

Let's breakdown what it really means to be "upset."  What are the 3 things that have to be present for someone to get upset?  (learned this in Landmark Education Seminar...AMAZING)
  1. A thwarted intention...what does that mean??!? Hey...It's not going my way!!!
  2. An unfulfilled expectation.  This is when we see how something SHOULD go and it just doesn’t go that way.
  3. Undelivered communication...what's that? We withhold something that needs to be said, or someone withholds from us
What's the result??!!  WE GET UPSET!!!

How do we dismantle UPSET??!!
  1. Recognize... hey I'm upset
  2. Determine the source of the upset (1,2,or 3 above)
  3. Be responsible for the upset...like OH I didn't tell you how I wanted it to go
  4. Communicate
So how does this play out in the holiday, right?

Let's take Thanksgiving for me this year as an example.  So every year it was this big ordeal right?!? We would get up, really dreading the day, head out like 10am, drove like an hour out to my mom's where she cooked the huge delicious elaborate meal, get there, stuff our faces, watch the clock, clean up, watch the clock, visit a little bit, watch the clock head out like 3pm...drive another hour to my husbands family feel stuffed and miserable as we sat down to his mother's huge delicious elaborate meal, stuff our faces, watch the clock, clean up, watch the clock, visit a bit, watch the clock, head out like 8pm, go home, crash and be miserably stuffed.

And every year I would GET UPSET see above :) because it really didn't GO the way I intended it to go. Like that's not really what I wanted out of my holiday??!!! (Can you see me stomping my foot??!!)  Where was the joy and fun in THAT? And I would spend the next couple of days upset and regretful. Sound familiar? 

Here's the reality...our families really never knew this upset us...we never told them!!  WOW!! We were just sitting on the stands of our life watching the holiday go by...and we got what we got... that was an unfulfilled holiday and a big belly ache!!

Can you begin to get this?  Does this resonate with anyone out there?

So this year, my husband and I sat down and created what we wanted.  How does that happen?  Well...you just talk about it, throw out ideas.  We were like...what's important? If we could have it all...what would it look like?  

Well....we discovered what was important was that we got to be with family, relax, play games together, have great food, like have the ability to just sit and talk with each other.  We live in the same town but how often do we really just sit, interact and enjoy each other??!! Right??!! 

So I sent out an email to our families, enrolling them in what was important to us...which was to be with them longer & on more easeful terms.  Who wouldn't want that???!!! Hey I love you and want more of you!!

We proposed combining families to our house and dividing up the menu.  Everyone was like yeah! Bring it on!!  And if it doesn't work...we can create something new next time, right??!!

So what happened??!! Each of the mothers were delighted to share in the cooking.  We got the best of the best combined cooked meal... it was succulent.  We got to spend all day together, kids hanging out, taking pictures, playing games, eating 1 fabulous meal.  We got joy & laughter.  We just got to BE.  It was EXTRAORDINARY!!

"UPSET" was avoided by everyone because we created, communicated & delivered on our intentions.

So can you see how your holiday with your family could be COMPLETELY transformed?  YOU have the power to dismantle UPSET...power is in language and communication...

So I ask you again...How are the holidays going to BE for you this year?  Create NOW and COMMUNICATE to your family, friends & loved ones.  Make this holiday EXTRAORDINARY!!

With love & affection you CAN have it all!!

Be courageous!  B the light (Santa is watching)

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